I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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