Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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