Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
