You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
