I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize