it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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