Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
