My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We smell like vodka and hangover
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
