oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
