why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We had sex on a dog bed..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
