she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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