Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think my fart just growled at me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
