I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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