im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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