Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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