I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
