I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
