she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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