Can i not drive my cunt home
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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