Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
