shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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