Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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