my soul wont recognize me after tonight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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