if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can text with my tongue
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
