This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize