Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
