are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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