getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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