Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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