i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
