im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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