I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
