I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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