She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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