I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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