Will you blow on my dice?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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