Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
