Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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