he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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