I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
