i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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