She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
