I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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