I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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