If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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