the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
