I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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