I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
