I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have post one night stand depression
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
