I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
