is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
