nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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