we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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