I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
