Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
