no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
