Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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