If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
