last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So squirting runs in the family.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
