Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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