She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
