There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
