Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize