so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
