Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
