Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize