the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
