I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
