Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had sex on a roof
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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