He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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