All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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