Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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