While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
