I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
