so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
