If that was your dad, he is hot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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